He kissed a someone with a penis
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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