Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
