i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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