I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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