happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
