I am puke
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
