I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
