nutella sex= disaster
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
