i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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