Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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