I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
