I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
