My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
