i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
