Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
