Nicole vs. Life
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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