I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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