I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
