You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
