Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
