I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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