i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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