It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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