I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
