So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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