how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
