Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
