1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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