A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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