Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
