I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
