There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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