Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
