You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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