I faked an abortion last night.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
