You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
