btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
