i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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