my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
