I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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