i permit you to call me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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