At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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