When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
