This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
