Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
