i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
