Porn is love you can see.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
