yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
