he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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