if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
