Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
